Bugged out

My brother, Ian, has been many things over the course of his life. He’s played bass in a wedding band. He was a photojournalist for ABC affiliates in Fort Smith, Ark., and Albany, N.Y., respectively. He was a Wilton, N.Y., town councilman. He helped write and produce a cooking show for television. He had his own company. He ran for New York Assembly.

He’s got a new job now, but I can already imagine his next venture — spokesman for CedarCide.

I’d never heard of CedarCide, which produces a variety of insect repellent products, until last month, when I saw Ian back east for our grandpa’s funeral service. He picked me up from a downtown shopping excursion, drove with me for two minutes to our mom’s apartment … and within moments, a different personality took over his being.

“This stuff literally changed my life,” said Ian (I’m paraphrasing, but not much), handing Mom a big jug of CedarCide for her birthday. “It works like nothing else I’ve ever seen.”
Mom accepted the gift with polite appreciation, knowing that while bug repellent is a somewhat unusual birthday present, it wasn’t given without thought. Our mother spends a lot of time hiking and in the outdoors in general, so what better way to show a little love than helping to keep pests away?

That wasn’t the only thing Ian gave mom, to be fair. We combined to take her out to dinner at a delicious Mexican restaurant, at which I managed — for I believe the first time — to be double-charged for a meal. But it was the CedarCide, we were assured in so many words, that was the best gift.

Ian went on to voice the platitudes of CedarCide at various times throughout the weekend, and while he was obviously doing it for the humor, he also made it clear he was serious. I told him that he should be a professional spokesman for the brand. Recalling the fictional Troy McClure from “The Simpsons,” each commercial could begin with “Hi, I’m Ian McGaughey, you may remember me from my unsuccessful New York State Assembly run. But I won’t bug you about politics anymore — now I help get rid of your bugs!”

OK, maybe that’s kind of lame, but trust me — the way Ian was carrying on about this stuff was borderline evangelical. It may have been a little over the top, in fact, because I still haven’t gone out and purchased any. I believe — but am not positive — that’s an online kind of deal, and one can click on http://www.cedarcidestore.com/testimonial.html to read all sorts of interesting things about the products (but alas, not see my brother).

I was asking my dad on the phone the other day if he’s heard Ian’s CedarCide sermon. He said he hadn’t, but then reflected the probably contained DDT. No, I said, I don’t think so. I told him he’d better get his other son on the phone for the whole story.